I have anxiety, depression, and PTSD from DV in my last marriage, my exhusband was Extremely abusive to me. I am constantly being called all kinds of crazy by the legal system- guardian ad litem, thanks to the gaslighting of my exhusband. And they took my granddaughter away, and keep trying to take my 2 younger daughters away, on his behalf. I need help, I don’t know what to do, how do you speak up for yourself against the crooked legal system in SLC, Utah that defends my abusive ex? Why is my mental health the only way they are able to make up lies about me, how is this even legal!? As I’ve only been diagnosed with anxiety, depression, and ptsd, now I see why people are scared to seek help or speak up for mental health.

Scared to breathe

I really don’t know how to start this story so I’ll start from the beginning. I’ve never been so confused in my life, I’m a mother of 3 children and we moved here to Utah from East St Louis IL a city where anything goes, but I wanted my children to be prosperous and live a life where they didn’t have to dodge bullets all day and night and because I have two girls I didn’t want them to be like me pregnant at16 and trying to raise a baby and I was still a baby. So I ran I had family here so I ran. When we arrived here it’s something about Utah it’s like you can’t leave , it was good at first I’ve been here 17 years but I can’t breathe. So all of a sudden covid 19 starts and the racial violence had started to fester and I felt it I can’t sleep, my nerves are a wreck and yesterday I was told by my Dr that I’m suffering with yet another thing called anxiety. I was raised by a strong black woman and we never knew anything about anxiety, I’m like WTF , I’m diabetic , high pretension , along with having pageant disease, now I’ve added Anxiety.

Anxiety and Panic Attacks

Ever since the pandemic, I have been having a lot of panic attacks and really bad anxiety. Sometimes I cannot sleep at night because of the negative thoughts in my head. I sometimes think I want to get a therapist or a counselor but then again, I am like it would mean that something is wrong with me and I am ashamed to say I have a therapist, so going to one really scares me. I am also black and all the racial injustice going on just makes my anxiety even worst.  I think I may be suffering from depression at times, but I don’t like the stigma that comes with it. Being black already is baggage for me to carry on daily, so don’t want to add anything to my load.  I have quotes that I recite in my mind when I feel my anxiety coming on strong, but I really need help with finding a therapist or counselor who can help me manage my emotions.  Please help me. Thank you.